1. Last Day of…

    Substitute momming! And proctoring standardized tests*! Two things that make me very stressed are ooooover! Hoorah!

    Except my parents won’t be returning until late tonight so I still have to feed, chauffer, and put the kids to bed. blah. BUT THEN! HOT SPRINGS!!!

    To celebrate, here are some weird things I did to entertain myself during boring days of test supervision:





    *until I have to do it all over again in the Elementary. >.<

  2. I was in pjs within ten minutes of getting off work. Small town bonus. It’s rained all day today, lil bro G got in-school suspension, and I taught a bunch of wild first graders, so all I want tonight is chocolate and peace. Who wants to bet that’s not happening? ;)

    Tagged #crazy face #me

  3. Substitute Mom: Livid.

    I finally finished a tedious day of work at 3:30 and knew I had some peace and quite until 5 when the kids would get home from track practice. I went to my house and took a loooooong shower, then went to my aunt’s to play baseball in her front yard for a bit. I was feeling so happy and peaceful, and then…

    And then I met Lil Sis, A, on her way home from track. She looked at me and said: “You’re going to be so mad at G(lil bro)!! My friend Anita caught him driving the car around town! She has a video and I saw it!!”

    I was instantly furious. I was so angry that I slammed through the front door, found G sitting on the couch, and—for the first time in their lives—my siblings heard the foulest language I’m capable of come crashing out of my mouth.

    I’ve let him drive around a parking lot TWICE (no one else in my fam is brave enough to take the teens for driving lessons), and he thought he was ready to take my car for a fucking JOY RIDE?! He’s FOURTEEN and completely irresponsible. What the HELL was he thinking?? He could have crashed, he could have been hurt, he could have hurt someone, he could have DIED. Instead of bending him over my knee and paddling his ass blue like I wanted to, I seethed, shaking with rage: "GET a shovel. Start shoveling horse shit and don’t stop until it’s all GONE."

    I was so upset, you guys. I cried for a good long time once he was out there shoveling. I don’t want to be a mom anymore. Nope. Nope. Nope. It’s horrible. This is horrible. Teenagers are horrible.

    He’s staying at my aunt’s for the next two days as part of his punishment. She’s *extremely* strict, and everyone knows I can’t stay mad for more than like a minute. Or even if I am mad, I’ll still be too nice. It’s stupid. But it’s better that he’s not here right now. It’d kill me to have to try and be mad at him until Wednesday when my parents get home. :P I’m no good at discipline. I’m no good at life.

    Please someone poor whiskey down my throat while I sit here and cry.


  4. F U Monday

    I was so happy that I got to come home from work for lunch, but then everything went wrong: I forgot half of my lunch on the stove, fire alarm went off, biffed it running into the kitchen, jammed three fingers and scraped both knees, burnt the last of the cheese. Can I go back to bed yet?

  5. Not big enough.


  6. Substitute Mom: Easter

    Easter eggs, eating out, baseball, babies, busy, busy, busy.

    Please excuse me while I pass out.

  7. rebekhalebekka:

    Happy Easter, tumblr!


  8. Replyin’ and Whatnot

    Um, threatening to kill a child isn’t cool. Can you like tell your Gma or the wife?

    I talked to my big sis today and plan to confront him tomorrow. I have issues with this fella. He’s a real *&#$ sometimes.

    striptheredwire replied to your photo “What a difference a month makes!”


    You’re goin’ in the room with Sarra. I’m expecting your screams of terror to be high-pitched and hilarious. 

    futurelotterywinner replied to your photo “Can I take your order?”

    I’ll give you my tip

    It better be big. 

    zeekcordite replied to your photo “Can I take your order?”

    Let that hair down. 😉

    *slow motion hair shake-out scene*


    (p.s. check out my seeeexy pjs)


  9. Substitute Mom Day #A Million

    Picked up the teenagers from bro-in-douche’s house after work.  Little sis A (14) immediately started crying when I asked her why she got in trouble today. Apparently he threatened to beat her and kill her because she was a little sassy. Even as a joke or half-hearted threat, that shit ain’t cool. Little bro G (14) looked like he was about to pass out dead in the car, but I pumped him full of fruit smoothie and water and he perked up. Then we all sat around listening to the Frozen soundtrack and drinking more fruit smoothies. Now biggerish bro J (15) is listening to country music, A is taking a shower, and G is practicing his didgeridoo. Not even kidding.

    I told them the Easter bunny was coming tonight (they sort of half-way still believe in that stuff somehow??) so that the morning would be easier on me. It’s still going to be chaos. Time to let them come find their baskets. Happy Easter! Hope you get more sleep than I do. ;)

  10. Happy Easter, tumblr!

  11. Can I take your order?


  12. waitwhatidontknow replied to your photo “What a difference a month makes!”

    And then it ate your face off

    I find your fear of fowl tremendously entertaining. :) Next time I see you, I’m going to lock you in a room full of baby birds and record your reaction for all of tumblr to enjoy. <3 

  13. What a difference a month makes!


  14. Little Sis asked me to tuck her in.

    She’s fourteen.

    Burrito blankets, it is.

    Tagged #Big kid #;)
  15. I’m very relaxed now.